How To Win Friend And Influence People Book Review

This is one of the most important book with some great social concepts you can work upon and become successful at it. If you ever thought to yourself that you’re in the real need of communication skills pick up this book, if you ever wanted to be a leader and play any part of leadership roles of any kind this book is a must read, it was written by Dale Carnegie. This book has four 4 parts. 

Part 1 is about the fundamental techniques we need in handling people, make the other person interested in you by leading with the things that are useful to them. Take a cover letter, for example; don’t lead with “I want this job,” but instead with something stating your best characteristic for that job. Carnegie talked about that he frequently fished in a pond, he said that he loves and very much fond of berries and creams but of course the fish doesn’t like  berries and cream they like worms and he went to great depth in explaining that he doesn’t bait his hook with strawberries and cream he baits it with worms because fish like worms he doesn’t think about what he wants he thinks about what the fish wants if you were to be a gym instructor you’re not going to explain to clients that your building a customer base and that this is your sale strategy but you’re going to say that “I want to help you lose weight and I am going to do that in a personalized manner and I am willing to sweat with you, to struggle with you, I am going to be there for you, I am going to fight with you, and that we are going to lose weight together”. The key to this concept is really putting yourself into another person perspective seeing through their eyes seeing what they want and learning how to align what they want with what it is that you want. Sure it’s going to take some creativity and learning regarding what he wants with the receiving parties who wants and desire but always remember you have to construct it through their need you have to make it an eager want for them or else it’s not going to be effective because the point is they just don’t care what you want and that’s the principle of arousing in the other person an eager want.

 Part 2 are 6 ways how to make people like you. When was the last time you asked your dentist about how they started school or why they decided to be a dentist? When the last time you asked your doctor how was was their upbringing or how their family life like? Do you even know a millionaire? You know there are millionaire all around you. Right people walk around every day thinking that their life is the only movie that exist they are the stars to the movie and everyone else is costar or the support role, people don’t realize that every single person has their own movie in them they are the star too. How often have you found yourself asking someone about how their weekend was? Or you really just don’t care about it. Becoming genuinely interested in some one life is not only about asking about how their weekend was or not caring or listening to the mundane stuff they did, if you become genuinely interested in their life then that interest will lead to mind blowing conversation like you never had. I mean imagine asking a millionaire about how they made their first 5000 dollars, where their first failure was where they lost 20000 dollars, they are going to love and really enjoy talking about themselves like one is playing their own movie even a most mundane occupation like an accountant can have the most interesting conversation about life and you have no idea because you never asked them, you were never genuinely interested in their life. You may come to the realization that someone saved someone’s life before, or someone broke a window to get a dog out of a hot car. Who knows what you can discover, the limits are endless after you treat everyone like you were genuinely interested in their life, know their entire story you are going to have a very deep rooted conversation, that is going to last a long time. Also another very import thing to learn from this part is how to build a good bond with someone, if you want to build a real bond with someone else, make it clear how important that person is to you and do it in a way that the sincerity of the feeling comes across. I find a great way to do this is actually by connecting two people I know together – I introduce them to each other with a compliment to both of them, especially if I know something that they’ll have a mutual interest in.

Part 3 talks about how to win over conversation with other people and how to become a winner at the end of the conversation, imagine you’re a cashier to a grocery store and you’re in the manager’s office at the end of the trip, your drawer is short of some money and you know you made a mistake in handing out changes throughout the day, you were short of 20 dollars it’s the first time you have done this, but your manager is very angry at you, your manager is going to start talking about how irresponsible you were and how you have just handed away money that’s three time you make in an hour, the manager is probably going to go into the forms of punishment that you may probably face, like you won’t get hours next week because you were careless and reckless and you’re going to sit there take it all because you just don’t know how to react. Well the next time you find yourself in this kind of situation where you make a mistake, I want you to admit that you’re wrong and do it emphatically. Carnegie goes into details regarding the casher situation if the casher was in the manager’s office and before even mentioning the cashier starts saying I made a terrible mistake I feel so terribly bad I mean how I can be so reckless and terrible with your money I can’t believe I just handed out 20 dollars I mean you should make me pay 4 times the amount back because I was so careless with your money. If you want me to resign, If you want me to go home right now I will, I mean I just feel so terribly about it the manager is likely going to start going to feel bad for you and say “it’s not that big of a mistake its only 20 dollars there is no reason to lose a job over it, or go home I mean I don’t want to lose a valuable employee and it’s not like you have done it in the past it’s not a regular habit.” So see if you make a mistake and if you own the mistake and try to create ways you can punish yourself it will get the other person to the point where they will feel that they have to defend you so the next time you find yourself in a similar situation where your wrong instead of trying to defend yourself like you are naturally are inclined to, do admit it quickly and emphatically. Another thing to learn from this part is how to handle complaints against you by someone else. When someone comes to you to complain about something, don’t interject and start an argument. Let them blow off their steam and only respond when they’re finished. Ask questions to encourage them to speak even more. This will often cause them to vent off most or all of their issue, which makes it much easier for the problem to be handled rationally at the end of the conversation.

Part 4 is how to change people without getting to arouse resentment, imagine that you smoke and you’re a smoker your brother, your sister and your best friend said that they wanted to start smoking too. Instead to diving into criticism and telling them not to do it and reason why they shouldn’t do it, really what you should be doing is telling them about the mistake you made and how wish you hadn’t started because it’s so hard to stop and its addicting and you wish you could, and now have an annoying cough, when you lead in this way you dive into the realm of empathy and you really strike a chord with the other person in a way you couldn’t if you didn’t start that way. Another thing to learn from this part is to how to criticize someone without being hated for, suppose you want to point out a flaw in the part of your employee and want to address him that by writing an email, what you can do is write is so carefully by arranging the phrases differently so it doesn’t sound so much offensive or overbeating and one thing to remember is to always write the criticize with the positives of the employee. That’s the last principle I wanted to talk about which is always to talk about your own mistakes first, and these are just the few of the concepts in the book if your concerned about wheatear you should or not read this book it’s an absolute must for you to raise your social life a lot better than anyone who hasn’t read it.

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